His Grace is Sufficient ( A Tragedy that blessed me with my daughter)

 Tragedies mostly are created to cause us tremendous pain, but for me it's the opposite. Every tragedy that I have been through had always produced beautiful results. Losing my one twin and carrying the dead twin next to the living one till I delivered was one tragedy that I thought I will NEVER conquer. For 6 months my life came to a standstill and nothing or no one could say anything that makes sense to me. I didn't even enjoy the kicks my daughter gave me at 20 weeks.

I didn't even feel my son's embraces when he hugs me to soothe me because somehow he felt my sadness. Food was tasteless, the work that I enjoy the most because more of a task than a passion. To top it up, I felt every pain unimaginable ever especially around my pelvic region. My blood pressure rose to its maximum capacity and at times it was 162/97.

Don't even mention about alcohol abuse, I drank black label beer whenever I just couldn't handle it so I fall asleep. Crying was the order of the day, I don't remember a day that I didn't cry ever since the 16th August 2019 when I discovered my baby is gone. I was scared of losing the remaining twin and every second hour I always check with my fingers if there is a heartbeat. Abortion came in my mind so many times so I can just stop the agony. For the first time in my life I didn't have a solution to the problem other than wait or be still.

The spiritual attacks intensified where one can clearly see that there was a force that didn't wanted my baby girl to be born. I didn't have any strength for prayers except for one short one LORD HELP ME.

My boyfriend deserted me, but I don't blame him because I was difficult, all emotional and him too was experiencing the pain in a matter of 2 years, it was merely 2016 when he lost his first born. So I understand his pain but I needed him and he was not there and that hurt me to the core. Am still sad thinking about it. We started going against each other instead of comforting one another. It was bad, we all somehow blame each other for the loss.

In the last months of the pregnancy, it got bad. We were not talking to each other, the entire month before the child is born. That hurt me deep but then I couldn't force him. I needed my space, I was hurting, I was heart broken. I was in pain, I was anxious. It was a mixture of all the pains that ever existed. I was angry at every one, including my Grandma. Everything she said infuriated me. I even moved out of her house.

The day before the operation, my head started swelling up. I could feel pressure building up in my arteries.  At the operating table I felt the brush of death on my face. I was terrified of leaving Dwayne alone. He knows me and it will affect him, man my baby boy, I promised to take care of him until he can fend for himself now this? I was scared, so I just recited Psalm 23:4 and sang songs while they operated so I don't panic and my blood pressure will shoot up. I made it, the operation was a success and my baby girl was born but she was admitted to Neonatal ICU. Yoh, at this point all I could do was pray one powerful prayer.

OH GREAT PHYSICIAN, BY THE POWER FOR WHICH YOU ARE KNOWN TO BE GOD, ARISE AND DECLARE TOTAL HEALING OVER MY DAUGHTER.

The Lord answered and she was released within 5 days, I went home with my daughter. The boyfriend decided to ignore me and kept minimum contact, I had to beg for attention and all that but I forgot that before my daughter was born there was no contact. So why force it now, the attacks still continued and I almost suffocated my daughter in the blanket because I blacked out and I didn't remember what I was doing on my sleep. So today it's been days, he didn't send money, he is not asking how the child is, He is quite.Am also tired of being mistreated by him, I have had enough pain to last me a lifetime. So it's okay. My daughter is beautiful, I was a bit upset because she brought all these pain but it was a beautiful pain. She loves me so much and clings on to me, she somehow knows I fought for her and I love her. I Love you Aina Itulwa-Mwenyo Kesilohenda gwandje....